about the state of affairs

‘Twas a rainy day and Monday and the Slo-man realized that it would lead eventually to Sunday morning, coming down and joining together with the band. Sadly there are really seven days in the week not eight for all that he wants to say. The Slo-Man has much time to reflect these days and enforced long drives with the LLBF in recent days have given him much food for thought.

For example, did Jimmy remain a quitter? And is Joey still married to the same woman? Does Mary still haunt the wind? How many grandchildren would Peggy Sue have? How long and how tall was Sally, really? Is the lady still sure? Are Billy Joe and Bobby Sue still on the lam? Speaking of Bobby, has she found the home she was looking for? And has Annie take a load off, yet? How weird were the scenes inside the gold mine and did Amphetamine Annie have something to do with that happening?

What about Sir? He must be retired on his teacher’s pension by now, surely? Is the queen still getting high on Moet and Chandon? How about Angie – did she find someone nice and settle down? Would Melissa and Jessica have looked each other up and would they be meeting regularly now? Are Ramona’s eyes still watery? Is Tommy playing a PS3 now by intuition? Did he ever manage to get a case for his Gibson and an even tanned look on his face?

What is Pam wearing now that polythene is so passé? Surely, Pressed Rat’s red jumper must be quite the worse for wear and the Warthog’s striped tie must be splotchy by now.

Boris, we know, came to a sticky end, the Crazy Diamond shines on forever, Andy has moved to the moon, but what news do we have of Lily and the Jack of Hearts? Was that Panama Red jumping like a Willy’s in four-wheel drive into the two suns in the sunset? Is Pearl still a woman left lonely and is the LA woman still riding with cops in cars on the street with the topless bars?

Wouldn’t scarlet begonias lining a yellow brick road be a wonderful sight? Would it be an upwardly mobile freeway or would it lead to the Silver Tongued Devil? Would it be better to lay down, lay down on the cold steel rail? Do we stand on the eve of destruction? Surely there must be some kind of way out of here – where are Abraham, Martin and John? Would they have been useful or would the idiot wind have blown the answers away? Should we care more about the tanks that roll down the dry and dusty road or the fact that it cannot be much fun for those beneath the rising sun with the purple berries no longer safe even as the silver people on the shoreline work tirelessly? We can call up volunteers, but will the White Rabbit, sitting in his white room with black curtains, be able to call up a new morning?

Is this the end, my friend, of laughter and soft lies? The blue bus with the 99 balloons attached to the roof awaits, but where is the driver taking us?

The Slo-Man acknowledges his debt to a fearless legion of poets, dreamers who once were young in a planet gone crazy. In a world that mirrors that era of nuclear fears and civil wars that threaten to spiral into a global conflict, comes the word - “Friday”.

If ever guitars needed to gently weep, the time is now.

For those looking for a challenge or those who would rather spend time on trivial pursuits instead of that urgent task there are 57 references to Pop/Rock songs in the passage above – to gain full marks readers must list band and song in the correct order. If you choose to provide album names as well, you will just be showing off. 

Answers will be posted a week from now.

about integrity

"Disgraced integrity czar walks away with $ 500,000".  


The headline troubled the Slo-Man at multiple levels. 


Firstly, the use of the term "czar" to imply a senior-most position. The media is tempted to use this indiscriminately, with seemingly no regard to the history behind the term. Is the position really as autocratic as the term would imply? This is another instance of connotations being changed. Over time words lose their original meanings and North American driven political correctness has been the driving force behind much change in recent years. Sadly, though not all the changes makes sense, "sex worker" being one that particularly irritates the Slo-Man with it's forced air of desperation.


Secondly, some government apparently had a well-compensated officer charged with monitoring the "integrity", presumably of the staff. What qualifications would someone need for such a position? Would hall monitor for 2 years in high school add any value? How exactly is the integrity officer supposed to execute on her brief? Send out emails and flyers and a website exhorting staff to keep their hands out of the till? How about the integrity officers political masters? Does the officer's influence extend to them too? Most people will not bother to answer that question and the Slo-Man can see the wry and cynical smile on the readers' faces.


Thirdly, for someone with that level and type of brief to be given compensation for doing a bad job, is something that really upsets the Slo-Man. Surely, an integrity officer, responsible for the collective conscience of the government, should be set to a higher standard of accountability? 


And then there is the delicious irony of the situation. "Disgraced" and "integrity czar".


Once again - the Slo-Man shakes his head as yet another instance of his impotence and influence is highlighted. 

if people have become stupidly reliant on technology

The Slo-Man recently had some time on his hands to read the interweb and he stumbled upon this news story.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/101006/canada/canada_transport_police_offbeat

The Slo-Man is, frankly, appalled. Is the world we created?

The Slo-Man wonders - was this her first time driving to work? Surely, she must have gone there at least once before for her interview? Did she consider getting directions from friends, her supervisor or another website - even to cross check? At at what time of the night was this drive to work? Was it too dark to see that there was no turning? Was she new to the area? How long has she lived in that city? And how fast was she driving?

As always in times such as these, the Slo-Man called upon the LLBF. And the LLBF told the story of a time in Cape Cod when he, the LLBF, watched his nephew turn right instead of left, disregarding the LLBF's directions and following instead instructions from his GPS. The nephew was the last to arrive at the Olive Garden, 20 minutes after anyone else. The nephew, however, is highly intelligent and so there was never any danger of his finding himself in the Atlantic Ocean at any time. It remains a mildly amusing story, the only after effects being some good-natured chaff at the hands of the family.

Humans have created technological tools out of their talent for thought. However, stories such as this demonstrate that humans forget that these are but tools, the responsibility for thought cannot be transferred to that unreasoning tool.

And, the Slo-Man thinks of Freddie, hums the tune and shakes his head in wonder.

The Obsolescence of phrases and the "t-Shirt bra"

The English language evolves continuously, words change their meanings almost from generation to generation. “Sick” used to mean unwell, ill, under the weather. For anyone over the age of 20 it still does. Somewhere, somehow, subtly sentences sustained a serious setback in their construction.

Parsing, clause analyses and the parts of speech are no longer taught as grammar and spelling have taken a backseat to the immediacy and intimacy of the internet. Parsing as a term alone remains as a term understood now by some computer programmers, a term that was replaced by software developer and software engineers. A modern generation of young students would, the Slo-Man expects, be hard-pressed to explain the difference between a gerund and a present participle and who, in a support of “free expression”, never have been enjoined to not split the infinitive.

These are examples of changed meanings or lost meanings, but the Slo-man is concerned here about terms that are no longer generally applicable or commonly usable, phrases that are obsolete because the situations or conditions they describe are no longer extant.

All this was brought to the attention of the Slo-Man by the LLBF, who was visiting after a recent trip to the shopping mall, in itself a concept less than 100 years old. On a cool late summer day in his adoptive city, reminiscent of the advent of the festival season of his far away foster city, waves of nostalgia washed over the LLBF. On such a day as this, the LLBF was wont to remark gently “Ahh, my dear, a nipple in the air, eh?”.

And that brought the Slo-Man memories of an age past and left him lamenting the lapsing of lace lingerie and yet another phrase.

about anger management

and the anger management experts. He was downtown in an elevator that had a news feed on a TV monitor and a news item caught his eye. An anger management counsellor pulled a gun on someone who had blocked his car.

Oh the irony! Too quote Sellers and Loren "Oh Doctor, I'm in trouble, well goodness gracious me! You may be very clever, but however can't you see?" You're flawed, human beings are flawed, your diet is flawed, your thinking that there is a silver bullet that will (a) help you lose weight (b) remove the wrinkles (c) reduce the cellulite (d) get you the admiration of the idiots on the streets is flawed. The perfect tomato, the milk that had all the goodness taken out of it (in the name of science) and for which we paid top dollar and now the milk with the stuff left in (for which we pay top(per) dollar), the GM food that will kill the planet, the anger management counsellor and the need for the supreme confessional in the sanctimonious Oprah are all ironies created by the lazy. Content to let someone else tell them the obvious about a situation, instead of exercising their own brains. Conditioned by big business and ads that sell products that seemingly have been "improved" by the simple expedient of adding fruits. Research? Ahh who needs it. If you're selling shampoo, just add pomegranate, or mango, or paw-paw or whatever.....

Anger management? Forget the classes, write a blog!

how marijuana was found in a septic tank

The Slo-Man read this headline and called the LLBF for support. "Help me," he cried, "How could this happen?".

"Obviously, someone flushed it down", said the LLBF, who is known for being practical when he's not dreaming.

"But what possessed anyone to go through the goop to find it? What hapless handyman, what investigative individual came up with the idea to do so?" the Slo-Man exclaimed.

"Oh I see, what you mean." said the LLBF who had been lost in a reverie. "Surely the rest of the article tells you more?"

The Slo-Man, who, generally, did not do more than glance at the headlines, saw the merit of yet another practical suggestion from the LLBF and went off to his search-engine for the story.

about the "most powerful leader" in the wwuurld

with apologies to Clarkson, May and the Hamster, but recently the Slo-Man has been gorging on a steady diet of Top Gear, topped off with James May's 20th Century and James May's Big Ideas.

The Slo-Man's LifeLongBestFriend (LLBF) reported rumblings about Barack Obama and his (already) failed promises. The LLBF saw distress in the social media and on the talk shows and it made him thoughtful about the end of the lune de miel.

When the people vote for "change" and most people say they do, do they really want change? Do they believe the leaders they voted for will be willing and able to fulfil their promises? Well before the election results the Slo-Man recalls reading an article about the promises Obama would / would not be able to keep if he came to power. And the LLBF (who has a soft corner for BBC comedies and word play) murmured "Yes, Prime Minister". That biting satire from Jay and Lynn brought into focus how the head of state typically flies by the seat of his pants, blown this way and that by the exigencies of each political reality.

Now the Slo-Man notes that polls reported that about 90% folks in America supported the war in Afghanistan in 2001. Current support is much lower, ( to use an understatement ) and the Slo-Man wonders, what did these people think would happen? Sending a family member to war, is what people voted to do.

Almost 9 years on, there is still shock when "roadside bombs" kill soldiers. That is a modern war-zone. Maybe some felt that an underdeveloped country would be easy to control by a well-equipped army. Lessons from Indo-China? To reduce loss, how about increasing the use of unmanned drones ? But there are folks who object to unmanned drones.

It seems to the Slo-Man that there are always folks who object. Some will object to the fan-dance and some will object to the fan, but object they will. So what is the leader of the Free World ( now there's a point to ponder in a later entry) to do?

What is the answer, pull all soldiers back home, leave the tribal countries be, give up on finding those Weapons of Mass Destruction and that great, bearded benefactor of the defence contracting companies ?

Alas, poor Barack! He's done what any great leader would do, taken the HealthCare debate off-camera, despite pleas to put it on C-Span as he promised. It's not easy being a political leader with the eyes of the world daring you to blink. There are so many who are strident in their one-sided, I-could-do-better, un-informed-and-proud-of-it vituperation and just one elected leader.

The Slo-Man signs off secure in the knowledge that he has no answers and will never be a politician and the LLBF nods in agreement. He's left shaking his head sadly. His sympathies go out to the families who are actively involved and those whose lives are forever changed.

about H1N1

and conspiracy theorists especially after getting an email the other day. The presentation highlighted the lack of lethality of H1N1 relative to other diseases that will wipe out mankind. A conspiracy theory was raised largely due to Rumsfeld's 1997-2001 chairmanship of a Tamiflu manufacturer.

Leaving the nature of such viral (the Slo-Man apologises) emails for another time, the Slo-Man is left with a sense of unease.

Are the folks in power really in power? Do they really have control over the situation? Is this a reversal of the 80's when AIDS was largely ignored by them? Are they over-reacting in compensation?

The Slo-Man is always interested in conspiracy theories, he believes Area 51 may conceivably have unexplained and secret alien spacecraft. However, he did see a show about 9/11 recently and was stunned to see a collection of young men in their late 20s or early 30s with a collection of MacPro's cutting and analysing video footage frame by frame to prove their point.

And it left him wondering - who the heck pays them to spend their time doing this? Who funded the computer equipment? Now there's a conspiracy theory for you.

Go forth and wonder......

where do streets get their names?

He can see no Deer on Deer Run or any vista on Vista Drive. And when is it a Street as opposed to a Drive or an Avenue?

And why do streets change their names on opposing sides of the cross street?

What manner of person serves on such a committee? Is there competition to serve on such committees? Are there people clamouring for the privilege?

Don't you get the Slo-Man wrong; he only wanna know....